Saturday, 19 March 2011

Moments of Truth

These are few of my personal anecdotes-the good, the bad and the ugly. Some might feel I am a pessimist, to some I might appear as a narcissist and some could see optimism in me. But this is me-the original me!
The Journey begins
In my birth, I was separated from my parents. No, not in the literal sense of the term, but due to medical emergency. It may sound weird, but still it’s a truth. My survival chance was zero as my mother had some infections soon after I was born. So, doctors advised my didan and mashisona (maternal grandmother and aunt) to take the baby home. I came to my home at the age of 6-day and was entirely brought up by them. Mother was there for another month! After that I never stayed with my parents as both of them were working!
I was lonely since childhood. The realization being lonely came much later, but it was there. I didn’t find anybody to spend time with, to play etc. etc. Still, I am lonely. I cannot share my thoughts with anyone. Each time I had tried, the other person took advantage of that!
Learning A-B-C-D
Thanks to my parents, I was admitted to Patha Bhavan , no not an English Medium Convent School but to a school which really helps you to grow as a person and inspires you to nurture your dream while providing quality education. I was selected by Holy Child & Carmel too, but I was fortunate that my parents have chosen the best option for me. Our Montessori (L-Kg & U-Kg) section was at Swinhoe Street, it’s still there. Each time my office bus crosses that place I look at my school. I miss my ‘misses’ wooden blocks, sand shakers, mat everything! In Junior section (1-4) we didn’t have any exam, it was only class performance based on continuous assessment and plenty of fun, music, drawing & activities!! I never felt any burden of studies. Senior section is from class 5. There I found a whole new world. First time I exposed to exams, a little pressure to study. I didn’t have any private tutor/coaching from Kg-PG!! (except a three-month coaching for maths before my 10th). My parents were pretty straight, ‘if you wish to be educated, study on your own!’ That actually paid off, I am proud of the fact that nobody has spoon-fed me, whatever little achievement I have, that’s my very own. My parents were least bothered; they only got to know about their only daughter’s performance through annual PTM!
The Teachers
My teachers have always been a source of inspiration for me. From most of them I have got so much care, concern & love that I cannot even match certain aspects of teacher-student relationship which are very common today. They were the only ones who I got by my side in my hard times as well as when I was elated. One might say, in school this kind of a bond is natural, may be but my university experience too was the same. The professors were no less than a friend, whatever age-difference it might be!! Still, I have contact with most of them. My school teachers call me up as well as my Profs!! I keep ringing them whenever I feel (time is no bar!!)
Joining Jadavpur University was my decision alone. I said no to Presidency, Lady Brabourne & I went to India’s 2nd best university. That institution has given me a whole new perspective. It taught me some bitter truth of life as well as opened a new horizon in front of me!! I never stood first, but for some reason I was very close to my professors, though I have a bad habit of calling ‘spade a spade’ irrespective of the place or person concerned.
First step in pursuing my dream
While pursuing Masters in History, I got a call for my first job from ABP. So scared to tell at home, I quietly went to their office at 6, Prafulla Chandra Street and wrote the admission test. It was not that good. Almost after 2-month I got the interview call from the same place & cracked it. Nobody at my home knew that I have already bagged a job. I was fortunate that they have given me an open offer for joining, I joined on 1st June, 2006 whereas I could do that on 11th Jan itself. The gap between last day of my final exam and the first day of my job was less than 24 hours!!
I always have a dream to be a journalist. I was very happy after I got into ABP. But as the days went by, I start realising the various aspects of office politics. I was never a diplomat or image conscious, so I couldn’t compromise with so many practices there. At times I felt, I must run away… I am destroying myself!! There were good people also; I don’t want to take any name… for them only I have survived there for more than 3 years.
An unexpected call
When frustration tore me apart, I got a call from IIM Calcutta for the post of a TTA. Went there, appeared for the test & interview & more surprisingly got selected! So I quit ABP & joined IIMC on 24th August, 2009. It was altogether a different world, the world which was (& is) completely unknown to me. Here some persons in power, question individual’s ‘brand value’, make you realize that ‘general stream’ people are not fit for this institute & so on…
Here I faced certain situations, which I didn’t even think of in my worst nightmare. First time I had to compromise or so to say in a very tactical way I was forced to compromise. That still bothers me, each time I am completely alone I berate myself for that, sometimes start crying. ‘Forget & Forgive’ is actually not that easy!
If I say IIM Calcu____ is incomplete without TTA, that won’t be an exaggeration but it’s a thankless job. Definitely it’s a huge personal learning experience for me, I learnt (at least tried to learn) a lot, but where’s the acknowledgment? Students do acknowledge, but the faculties? Most of them first see your weightage as a brand! If people like me who have come from a very general background, don’t even get the minimum credit she/he deserves! Moreover, sometimes questions were raised about the competency! There are some golden exceptions to this practice those who are very senior or personally have a different outlook. We are like ‘Glorified’ Wage labourer…
Still, I Love the campus. The Lakes, the trees, the colourful flowers & all the people out there have given a different touch to this beautiful place. I know I am counting my days at IIMC, still this short stint with this institute I will remember forever!
My run has already begun for the next big one. Patha Bhavan-JU-ABP-IIMC not that bad & I am happy that I have made to these places with my hard works only.
Search for happiness
I know, my simple, soft (I might appear very tough from outside) nature has been taken for granted by all. Once I left a place, most people don’t even remember me. Still, They know, Anwesha won’t say know if it’s within her reach. Earlier I was a ‘Use & Throw’ article, now with the changing nature have become ‘recyclable’!! Some might like me, some might hate, and some might laugh at me… now I don’t have any expectation from anyone. I just want to be happy with all I have.
I don’t want to make big money, I don’t want to be famous… I just want to stay as simple. Even after so many ups & down, I believe ‘Honesty is the best policy’.
Once I have a dream, it’s still there, I just want to pursue that with grit & determination as I believe there cannot be any shortcut to success!!
Thank you all those who have either positively or negatively help me reach here…

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